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I am happy today because I had a mother.  Without her, and some cooperation from my father, I wouldn't be here.

She passed away seven years ago last month.  At the time, I was relieved.  Horrible to say, but at least her suffering was over.  She had MS, and lived the last few years of her life confined to a motorized scooter, a nursing home and her own demons.  It didn't make for a good quality of life for her, nor anyone else.

I had a contentious and mutually destructive relationship with my mother for most of her life.  First of all, I was male.  I couldn't help that, but I suffered for it anyway.  When my sister came along, my mother was better equipped to deal with and raise her.  It's not a criticism of Mother, just a fact of life.  Lord knows I don't blame my sister.  Wasn't her fault.

Mother was pretty blunt on one occasion.  I was pretty hurt about some choice she had made because she was obviously favoring my sister.  I called her on it, and Mother admitted that it was true.  Not only that, but that she preferred her to me.  Not my sister's fault, and I don't blame her for it.  Part of it was that I was male, the other that we were too similar.

While it may not be true in every case, in most instances, Time Does Heal All Wounds.  In my case, by listening to my Grandfather, I did my duty to my Mother.  Not always as he would have wanted me to, that is for certain.  I so wanted at times to tell her to go to the devil and wash my hands of her.  I did a time or two, but it never lasted.  She was, after all, my Mother.  I had my duty.

Fast forward to the last year or so of her life.  There's a part of me that thinks now that she knew the end was near.  That, or prayed for it.  What matters is that on one visit, she looked at me with a thoughtful look on her face and told me that I had been a good son to her.  Despite years of being told I was a disappointment and that I didn't measure up, that one sentence on that one occasion was priceless to me.

That seemingly small gift allowed me to forgive.  Not just her, but myself.  As the years have passed, while I don't try to guild the lily, I do recall more of the genuine good times and things about her.  She taught me good table manners and how to behave myself in public.  She taught me the value of buying quality the first time so I don't have to replace cheap down the line.  She taught me the value of enjoying reading.  She also taught me that there was much to be enjoyed musically.

Further, while she had a helluva time applying these lessons to her own life, she did teach me to accept people as they are and not how I'd like them to be.  It's a lesson I have to work hard on everyday, but I'd like to think I've gotten better at it as the years have passed.

And on a related note, I also miss my Mother-in-Law something awful.  She passed a couple of years ago, and her absence is still felt keenly in our home.  She was a woman of character and somebody I admired and enjoyed.  She seemed to think I was a good husband to her daughter, so that was good to know.  She is sorely missed.

As the years have passed, I miss my own Mother more than I imagined I would.  So, that makes Mother's Day hard for the two of us.  Our Mother's are gone, and outside of our Stoopid Kats, we have no children together.  We get to focus on what we are missing today...so, say a small prayer for those who have lost their mother's and/or aren't mothers and what this day might mean to them.

Still, Mother's gift allows me the freedom and pleasure to say today, "Thanks, Mom" and mean it.

I'll tell you one more thing today.  My sister could write a book about parenting.  She and her husband are terrific parents to their two boys.  She is a Mom in every sense of the word and enjoys good relationships with her boys.  I'm pleased for them and proud of her.  Happy Mother's Day, Sis.